Mother's Day

Today I celebrated my first Mother's Day with a child I could physically hold. It wasn't until I was sitting in church that it hit me. I should have a pew filled with little ones. I was overcome with emotion at the thought of my two angel babies that I wasn't able to meet.

Techincally I have been a mother since 2008. I carried two babies before I carried and delivered babygirl. I don't like to talk about it much. Yet, it's one of those things that makes it more painful to keep bottled up. Some days I can just move on as if nothing ever happened. I am so beyond blessed to have babygirl here with me, but there is a part of me that still wants my other two. They should be here. I should be chasing after 3 little ones today.

God has a greater plan. He'll never put more on us than we can bear. But honestly.. sometimes life just stinks. I'll never understand. But I know that one day when I get to Heaven, I'll walk down those streets and my two angel babies will come running up to me. I'll gather them in my arms, and it will be as if we've always known each other.

As life goes on, I will never forget them. I hope my hubby takes a moment from time to time to remember those precious babies that we wanted so badly. I hope he sneaks an extra kiss on babygirl's sleeping face in the night as he thinks of her older siblings.



Here are some photos of my first (physical) Mother's Day.

Bath time before church 

Beautiful babygirl posing for mama. Showing off them teeth. 

Daddy's twin 

Mama and Baby 

She got the style from her mama =)

I received this in an email. I love it.

Before I was a Mom, 
I never tripped over toys 
or forgot words to a lullaby. 
I didn't worry whether or not 
my plants were poisonous. 
I never thought about immunizations.


Before I was a Mom, 
I had never been puked on. 
Pooped on. 
Chewed on. 
Peed on. 
I had complete control of my mind 
and my thoughts. I slept all night.


Before I was a Mom, 
I never held down a screaming child 
so doctors could do tests. 
Or give shots. 
I never looked into teary eyes and cried. 
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. 
I never sat up late hours at night 
watching a baby sleep.


Before I was a Mom, 
I never held a sleeping baby just because 
I didn't want to put her down. 
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces 
when I couldn't stop the hurt. 
I never knew that something so small 
could affect my life so much. 
I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom. 


Before I was a Mom, 
I didn't know the feeling of 
having my heart outside my body.. 
I didn't know how special it could feel 
to feed a hungry baby. 
I didn't know that bond 
between a mother and her child. 
I didn't know that something so small 
could make me feel so important and happy. 

 
Before I was a Mom, 
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night 
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. 
I had never known the warmth, 
the joy, 
the love, 
the heartache, 
the wonderment 
or the satisfaction of being a Mom. 
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom