Here.

We've been through so much together. 

We've had our ups and downs. 

We've had some really low downs. 

We've been bent and broken. 

We've held on in the middle of hurricanes..

But I wouldn't trade one single day of this life I have with you. 

My life is full with you in it.

I am so blessed to be called yours. 

Every fight, every tear, every heartache leading up to now has been worth it. 

We've discovered who we are together. 

We've have been broken separately so we could be put back together as one. 

I was doing a simple every day house chore while listening to music and I heard this song. It caught me on a night that I was daydreaming of your homecoming. My mind still can't fully comprehend that we are just a few very short weeks from each other's arms. When I stopped and listened to the words of this chorus and the second verse, it's like I was speaking these words to you from my own heart. 

"Here"

-Rascal Flatts

There's a place I've been looking for

That took me in and out of buildings

Behind windows, walls and doors

And I thought I found it

Couple times, even settled down

And I'd hang around just long enough

To find my way back out

I know now the place that I was trying to

Reach

Was you, right here in front of me

[CHORUS]

And I wouldn't change a thing

I'd walk right back through the rain

Back to every broken heart

On the day that it was breakin'

And I'd relive all the years

And be thankful for the tears

I've cried with every stumbled step

That led to you and got me here, right here

It's amazing what I let my heart go through

To get me where it got me

In this moment here with you

And it passed me by

God knows how many times

I was so caught up in holding

What I never thought I'd find

I know now, there's a million roads

I had to take

To get me in your arms that way

[Repeat Chorus]

In a love I never thought I'd get to get to

-here

And if that's the road

God made me take to be with you

[Repeat Chorus]

And I'd relive all the years

And be thankful for all the tears

I've cried with every stumbled step

That led to you and got me here, right here

Oh, baby-Ooo

Oh, got me here

----------------

I am yours. 

Always have been. 

Always will be.

A Single Picture

A single picture.

That's all it takes to transport me back to a moment. A feeling.

Although I am so very blessed with two amazing, beautiful and healthy little girls.. I can't help but think about those two lives I lost. Those babies I didn't ever get to meet.

I have their ultrasound photos kept back and away where I can see them. But I wanted more. I wished for a long time that I had a photo of me while I was pregnant with the both of them. I know when I was pregnant both times and I know the exact dates that I lost them. But that didn't help. It's not like I could just have a picture from any given day and say, oh yeah I was pregnant there. I wanted physical proof. I felt like it wasn't too much to ask.

I adore my pictures documenting my pregnancies with my girls. I longed for the ability to line up 4 pictures side by side of the same week with each pregnancy.

I am one step closer to that dream :)

 

I know it is a terrible picture of me and that I am mid-blink.. BUT!

 

This is me at 10 weeks pregnant with my second baby.

 

I'm not going to lie. When I saw this picture on my dad's computer my heart skipped a beat. I had it sent to myself and later that night was able to stare and swoon and shed a few silent tears alone for that beautiful baby that I will get to meet in Heaven one day. My heart tells me both of those babies were perfect little boys. I can't wait until the day I can see their faces and instantly know who they are.

Sleeping Beauties

I can't help but sneak into my daughter's rooms every single night after they have fallen asleep.

I love to see their peaceful faces.

 

No cares. No worries.

Just peace.  

 

I will probably be that mom that peeks in on them in their teens.

Happy Birthday BabySister

November 30, 2012

1:00pm

Began pushing.

 

My emotions were rising.

I was making sure hubby could see only the things he wanted to see ;) 

Super gross picture of me.

But my emotions were shot.

This was a lot harder that I ever imagined.

I never want to forget these moments.

 

 

THIS MOMENT.

 

I will

NEVER

forget.

(notice hubby's face in this pic. it is seriously my favorite)

 

Pure joy.

 

I didn't get this moment with Babygirl.

There were umbilical cord issues with her labor.

She was rushed to the NICU team.

 

I was determined to have BabySister placed on my chest immediately after delivery.

I prayed almost daily that I could have this moment.

Funny thing was, her umbilical cord was so short that when she was delivered, the Dr was only able to place her at my bellybutton level. The nurse kept telling him to scoot her up higher. He eventually laughed and said well let me just cut the cord first then!

 

There is no greater feeling than this.

The most love and joy I have ever felt in life. 

 

I was able to just hold her and talk to hubby for about 10 minutes or so before the nurses finally took her to get her birth stats and measurements.

 

My BIG girl!

Everyone was betting on her being small.

I finished this pregnancy 16 pounds smaller than with Babygirl.

My belly was a lot smaller too. 

But this mama makes some big girls! 

8 lbs 4 oz

She had Babygirl beat by 3 oz 

Our perfect girl 

 

Blonde curly hair like her big sister. 

Her poor skin broke out almost immediately after the nurses started rubbing her to get her clean.

Poor girl has such finicky skin. 

Having babies the second time around is cake! ;) 

So much joy and love felt from daddy.

He just sat and stared for the longest time. 

 

I could not have asked for a perfect and healthy delivery.

 

Welcome to our family, angel.

 

Paisley Denise

8 lb 4oz

21 in.

11/30/2012

Mommy moments

Being a mother is one of the greatest things that I do with my life.

Sometimes it is tough.

Sometimes it can be so frustrating.

And a lot of times

it can be very rewarding.

I cannot describe the amount of joy I get when babygirl learns new things.

To see my hard work in action.

After spending time teaching her things,

repeating myself over and over,

doing the same actions repeatedly..

She finally 'gets it'.

One day last week I looked at babygirl and said,

"Where is mommy's nose?"

She pointed that chubby little finger at my face

and then grabbed my nose.

If you are reading this, you are probably thinking

Uh, ok? So she knows what a nose is...

But!

After pointing to every part of your face and your child's face daily for about 2 weeks

this is a big deal.

When daddy was in the room we attacked him and all squished on the couch together.

I said "Babygirl, where is daddy's nose?"

Sure enough, she grabbed his nose and smiled.

Perfect mommy moment.

Later that night she was playing on the floor with her building blocks.

She hobbled on over to me, looked up and did the sign for 'eat'.

I signed back, 'eat' and 'please'.

She smiled and signed 'more'.

I felt so proud.

How cheesy..I know.

But she is learning to communicate and is understanding how to do it.

Perfect mommy moment.