One Year of Blogging

Happy Anniversary Learning to Be!!

Wow. This post was definitely supposed to go up a week ago. I had it scheduled for January 3. I'm not sure what happened but I apologize to the few of you who have gotten onto me about not posting!! Sorry!

Today marks one year since the start of this blog. I started it with a very different mindset. I planned on doing a 365 project. Yeah, that fell through at about day 45. It's too much pressure to demand a post

every.single.day.

Regardless, I am so happy that I have this blog.

As an outlet, a journal, a scrapbook.

I love recording things that will be available to my children.

I write in a journal to my daughter and plan to do that for the rest of my kids also but this is something public, funny stories or photos. My kids' journals are personal memories or notes that I write specifically to them.

But back to this guy here..

Happy Anniversary blogland!

I'm so glad to have made it this far and honestly enjoy writing every post.

I know there are days that I put up meaningless ramblings.

Silly photos and jokes.

Links to songs on YouTube.

There are days when I don't even post at all, due to writer's block.

And then there are the days that my posts circulate my online community.

Days that I receive hundreds of hits.

Links shared by my family members and friends.

To the posts written from my heart.

The posts that make people text me, saying I've made them cry that day.

These are the posts I love.

The posts that stem from a quiet thought hidden in my mind.

A nonspoken moment that I finally feel okay to share.

I don't blog for online fame.

I don't blog to gain followers.

I blog to share my heart.

In my storm I heard Him

When she drives me crazy

when she is naughty

when she is screaming

when she is doing something on purpose after I said no.

When she is crying for no reason

when she is throwing her Cheerios at me...again

when she is pushing me well past my patience

I remind myself to hold her.

To scoop her up into my arms.

To gently explain what she is doing wrong,

that she is being naughty.

I remind myself to take a breath and stay calm.

For there was a time when I didn't think I would ever have her.

when pregnancy meant loss, not life.

When positive tests meant fear more than excitement.

She was promised to me.

She is my miracle.

She was sent here at the perfect time.

The night before my second heartbreaking ultrasound

I told a friend of mine,

"God wouldn't take 2 babies from me. I just know He wouldn't."

But deep down, I knew something was wrong.
I had just felt it for 2 days.
Call it mother's intuition if you like.
Heartbreaking news...again.

After my second loss I laid in bed one night

Praying silently with tears streaming down my face.

Once again, throwing the why's at God.

Not blaming Him,

just wanting answers from Him.

Wanting comfort in Him.

Why did this keep happening to me? 

To us?

What was the reason?

This is supposed to be happy and joyful.

To us it was just tears and pain.

But I knew there was a reason for everything.
And in the calm and stillness of the night
I heard Him.
"Surrender your whole self to me and I will give you the desires of your heart."

Never before could I say that God spoke to me.
But that night
The peace that washed over me as I heard those words was undeniable.
The word whole  stuck out to me.
I was being defensive.
I was guarding my heart and mind.
Even from God.
But He wanted it all.
Every part of me.
The good and the bad.
I needed to realize it wasn't me who was in control.
And He promised me.
that if I surrendered everything,
my miracle would come.

One year and six months later
After many trials and frustrations
My miracle arrived.
He knew the timing.
As a Christian, my faith was tried.
I am a stronger person today because of it.