Halloween 2012

Last Halloween I had an epic mom fail and took one picture the whole night.

I was determined NOT to forget to snap photos this time!

Especially since babygirl's daddy is away.

After going back and forth as to where we would trick or treat,

and who we would go with.. 

We settled on my sister, Brietta and her 2 kiddos.

Her husband was working and she didn't want to go alone.

My brother was going wherever I was gonna go.

I know my neighborhood is never really a good place to go because there isn't a lot of kids around here. You hardly ever see trick or treaters and there aren't ever a lot of lights on at homes. 

I love my girl :)

My girl was looking WAY to big to be saying 

Trick or Treat 

and ringing doorbells on her own. 

Slow down, kiddo!!

This silly spider ring was her favorite thing she got. 

Which cracks me up because if she sees a spider at home

she panics until I come and kill it for her.

Zoe fell about 5 minutes after we first started.

The rest of the night was ruined for her.

She spent it in the wagon.

Halloween Costumes

So my dad decided he wanted to take all of the grandkids to the Halloween store and buy their costumes for them this year. 

It was so cute and fun to see them all excited to chose their costumes.

Dad has been commenting on not having any recent pictures of the kids at his office.

So I had the idea of getting all 5 together and get a picture for him.

I have big ideas sometimes...

After weeks of trying to get my sisters together and just snap a darn picture we met at my parents house while my dad was working and dressed them up.

At this point, it was 3 days before my dad's birthday which is when I wanted to give him the picture. 

I didn't care what the picture ended up looking like.

I didn't care if half the kids' eyes were closed or someone was crying or picking their nose.

As long as all 5 were in the same shot, I was okay with it. :)

So we ended up having:

Alivia- Merida (the princess from the Brave movie)

Gabriella- a Tootsie Roll

Zoe- a clown

Marshall- Captain America

Lily- Elmo 

And this was the winning shot that we printed for my Dad.

My kid was the only one not cooperating in this one.

Week 33

{link}

How far along? 33 weeks

Maternity clothes? Yes

Weight: 139

Waist: 37.5 in

Stretch marks? Nope!

Sleep: Major insomnia. Can't fall asleep at night, can't stay asleep in the mornings. 

Symptoms: Heartburn, Insomnia, Lots of pressure

Best moment this week: Hearing from the Dr that I can probably expect this baby to be a little smaller than babygirl was haha

Miss Anything? My husband and sleep!

Movement: Crazy girl is head down and in position, so she is enjoying experimenting with those tiny feet in my ribs. 

Food cravings: Pumpkin anything 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Eating cereal makes me gag for some reason

Have you started to show yet: 8 1/2 months here..   

Gender: Team PINK!!

Labour Signs: 0

Belly Button in or out? Way out, showing through all my shirts

Wedding rings on or off? On in public, off at home.. they itch for some reason?

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have my days.. pregnancy and deployment don't mix well!

Looking forward to: Maternity shoot next week
Purchases: nothing this week 

photo bomb down there in the corner. sneaky girl :) 

 

Pregnant deployment whinings..

Pregnancy during deployment is rough! At first I thought it was easy. It seems to makes the time go by faster and keeps you busy. Planning and preparing for baby keeps your days filled.
Until the closer you get to delivery.
And it finally dawns on you that he won't be there.

-Let me just say, this is my blog and my space and if I want to whine sometimes I most certainly can. :) I don't whine to anyone aloud so sometimes I just need to lay it out there. - thankyouverymuch!

A few days ago I woke up feeling awful. It was just a bad day. I had woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat from a nightmare and reached over for my husband, only to clutch on to empty sheets. Reality hit once again that it isn't a short separation this time and it will be quite a while before he will be home. So while it was still the middle of the night, I allowed myself to cry and just fall completely apart. No one was around to witness it and I didn't have to worry about babygirl walking in on me being a mess. It is a rarity that I actually address my feelings and not just bury them and go on. Usually I just push back what I'm feeling or struggling with because sometimes it's just easier to deal with life that way.

So when I got up for the day I waited around for my hubby to get online to talk. We had been able to talk every day so far. By the time later afternoon rolled around I still had no word. I, being the emotional pregnant lady that I was, started freaking out. Things that had happened in my nightmare ran through my mind and I just needed to hear something. Anything.

Yes, I know my husband is not a frontline combat soldier, however, you try having your whole life and heart be in another country in a war zone and you not worry!

I got back online and seen another soldier online. Not thinking I was doing anything wrong, I asked him if he had seen my husband or if maybe he had just fallen asleep. Not the right thing to do I guess... Of course things ended up being perfectly fine and I got to hear from my hubby for a minute. But now I have a feeling I'm going to be known as the psycho pregnant wife. Fabulous. And I'm pretty sure I irritated my hubby for having a panic attack.

It's just a huge adjustment to go from being able to talk to or at least contact your husband at any given time of the day, to waiting around until he has a chance to talk. I think this is the worst part of deployment. When you need so badly to talk to them for just two minutes because they would know exactly what to say and exactly how to comfort you... but you can't. So you are forced to suck it up and just learn to deal with things on your own.

I know that I am so blessed to be surrounded by family who would drop everything at anytime to be there for me, but it's just not the same. I want him. I want his hugs and his comfort when things go wrong. He is the glue that holds me together when I allow myself to fall apart. He's the only one that I open up to and share everything with, and even that is rare for me to do sometimes.

I just needed him that day. It was one of the worst days I have had since he left. (which has already been 8 weeks ago) I needed reassurance that he was fine after dreaming the worst. I needed to finally address the fact that he can't come home for baby's birth. I needed reminded how much he loves me and that he misses me as much as I miss him. I just needed him. But I couldn't have him. So I lost it. I was desperate to find contact with him anyway I could. Even if that meant I would look like a nutso wife. I didn't care. I needed one more 'I love you, I'm fine.'


I have a reminder on my phone that goes off once a week. It says:
"He's thinking about you. Every time you go to bed hugging your pillow wishing it was him, he's holding on to the perfume sprayed letter wishing it was you. As forgotten as you may feel, remember he misses you just as much, even if he doesn't show you in the glorious and romantic ways that you dream up."


I know this was a very different type of post but I don't allow myself to whine or fall apart. Ever. I don't complain to him when we talk because I know he has it a lot worse than me, actually being there and being away from his family. I keep my issues and struggles to myself in front of family. However, I felt like it was time for me to unload.

Week 32

{link}

How far along? 32 weeks

Maternity clothes? Yes

Weight: 130ish.. no scale at home

Waist: 37.5 in

Stretch marks? Nope!

Sleep: Major insomnia

Symptoms: Heartburn, Insomnia, Pressure

Best moment this week: Starting potty training my big baby girl :)

Miss Anything? My husband :( 

Movement: Yes, she has her sleep pattern, but when she's awake it feels like she is going to force her way outta there!

Food cravings: Pumpkin coffee 

Anything making you queasy or sick: I've been sick so getting over the drainage makes me gag... a lot.

Have you started to show yet: Did you see my picture?  

Gender: Team PINK!!

Labour Signs: 0

Belly Button in or out? Way out, showing through all my shirts

Wedding rings on or off? On in public, off at home.. they itch for some reason?

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have my days.. pregnancy and deployment don't mix well!

Looking forward to: Maternity shoot in 2 weeks 
Purchases: First case of newborn diapers 

Week 30 & 31

{link}

{link}

Photo Catchup

I will have to hunt for week 25.

I think I may have missed it due to it was right when hubby left.

26 weeks

27 weeks

28 weeks

29 weeks

Closer to you..

So deployment is underway.

I'm still here.

I'm still surviving.

He is there.

He is safe.

Each day that passes is a little easier on me than the day before.

I am in the mind set that each day that passes brings me one day closer to his return.

It's a good way of thinking.

We are already into October. 

He left in August.

Daily, it feels like time is dragging.

But when I really look at it, 6 weeks have already passed. 

That. is. nuts.

     So once the computer situation is fully settled and done, I have a lot of ideas on where to take this blog while he is deployed. I have posts I'd like to do on care packages that I send. That way I will be able to look back in the future and see what I came up with, what he liked/didn't like. I just think it would be a fun part of this journey to document. I could post the highs and lows of this deployment as they come, but then again.. I don't want to make our business public. If we fight or get annoyed at each other one day I don't want to run to my blog and post our dirty laundry.
     Maybe I'll post just the highs. :) I will gladly document the mushy conversations. The times we pour our hearts out to each other and remind one another why we fell in love in the first place. The times we encourage one another to hang on for one more day because in reality, 9 months is a very short amount of time apart when we get to spend the rest of our lives with each other.

     Obviously here in just 8 short weeks my new bundle of joy will be joining us!
I guarantee there will be stories and things to share while I learn to adjust to life with a newborn and a 2 year old. No lie, my nerves are already shot just thinking about it! :)
     Once I am able to upload my pictures to the blog again, I have about 6 weeks of pregnant pictures to load. I know people -namely my brother ;) have been commenting on me not posting those. Here in about 2-3 weeks I am going to do my maternity shoot. I am looking forward to this, however I am still majorly bummed that my amazing husband isn't here to take them with me. My favorite pictures from Lily's maternity shoot are the ones with he and I in them, not the ones of me alone. But let me tell you, if you thought Lily had a patriotic newborn shoot... you better wait until you see the plans for this baby's!

Speaking of the new baby... 

     We have yet to know if hubby can make it home to visit at all after she is born. I am already prepared to give birth alone. I just don't think I can handle the fact that he may not be able to meet this baby until she is 7 months old. My heart honestly breaks when I think of this. I don't want him to have to miss those precious moments of her sleeping on his chest. He has told me before that those were some of his favorite memories of Lily. Just him and her laying on the couch peacefully napping.
   I am terrified at the thought of this baby not knowing who her daddy is when he comes home next year. I know there will be hugs and kisses galore, but I don't want him to have to give them to a screaming baby who is terrified of this stranger. I know Lily may be slightly hesitant at first, but there is no doubt in my mind that she will recognize her daddy instantly and be delighted to see him. She still asks for him daily.
   
     Is it too soon? Is it silly of me to be dreaming and imagining his homecoming already? I know that everyone thinks and waits for the day of their soldier's return, but I lay in bed at night and just imagine it. I get so happy just thinking about it. I can picture it all now.

These are the moments that keep me going. 

These are the thought that I cling to on my bad days.

These are my dreams that help me on my lonely nights.

For they bring me one day closer to him.